after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
