the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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