I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i dont even know how to be here
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
