Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
