dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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