I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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