dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
