Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
