i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
