i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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