areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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