I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He passed out mid-signature
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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