i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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