bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
