Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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