just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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