I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
