when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Only a mothe r could love this liver
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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