My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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