theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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