He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
