Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
