Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
