Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
