obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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