Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
