Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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