sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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