morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
