My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
