Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
