I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
