I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
