After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
