remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
