In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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