walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
