I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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