you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
