A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
