she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
