Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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