So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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