We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
