drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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