I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
