I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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