You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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