2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
