Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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